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Have a question about divorce? Ask Trey and Julie, the certified experts on making Divorce fun. You can also read our most recent advice.






Recent Advice

  • Q: How... do you find that guy to marry in order to then Divorce and make it fun? I miss you Crazy girl... A: Hey there Girl! Give me a call when you get the chance! Why would you look for someone that you want to divorce? The key to a fun divorce is to work with what you've got. As soon as you get over the hurt feelings you can have a really really good time.
  • Q: Recently my 8 year old daughter had a complete melt down throwing a temper-tantrum. I told my very religious ex-husband about this. His idea of how to deal with it was a bit in the supernatural realm. He decided the devil had grabbed onto her and over this last weekend prayed with this innocent little girl and proceeded to cast demons out of her body. I'm not completely sure how far this went, what I do know is one he believed the devil had her and two he pushed her body around during prayer to help the "devil" let go or cast the demon out or some such thing. He also made her write an apology letter to me in which she wrote a sentence I don't agree with. The sentence was "After me and dad talked I realize the devil made me do it"
    How exactly do I deal with this in any kind of rational way with my ex-husband?     A: Wow, this guy is a nut case. How lucky are you? Of course you need to take care of your kid above all else. Teach her that she is the one that controls herself and the "devil made me do it" excuse is only to be used at the IRS. After you get your daughter in full time counseling with a professional that you have checked out throughly, you may play with your ex to your heart's content! This one sounds like great fun. If I were you I would begin by planting the seed in his fertile imagination. Obviously he has a pretty loose grip on reality and believes in ghosts and ghouls. All you have to do is divert his attention away from your daughter and lead him in a totally different direction. Maybe there is an old house around you guys, tell him that you are convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that the demon that possessed your daughter must've come from there. When he is in full exorcism mode, get the owners to have him arrested for trespassing and thrown in the clink. The judge should keep him distracted for quite a while after that. Anything you can do to keep him distracted will be your saving grace. You can forget about dealing with him rationally, since this fruit loop is anything but. Don't fret, rational is overrated anyway. I'm sure you get the idea. Good luck and remember that living well and laughing at him (not with him) is your best revenge, just look out for your kid, she's number one!
  • Q: I am dating a woman who has been divorced for three months. The divorce was amicable. We are planning to get married some time in the future and are very committed to each other. We have a disagreement regarding her sharing a hotel room for a weekend with her ex during an upcoming college family weekend for her son. She says she does not know why it bothers me so much since they are not having sex and nothing will happen. She says she is doing this for her son. When I objected strongly she tried to find separate rooms but everything is now booked. Her ex has told her on several occasions since the divorce that he still loves her and in fact is still living in her house at least through the end of this year. I am sure I have lost this battle but was just looking for confirmation that this is something that most if not all men would object to and perhaps get some better arguments to use should anything similar happen in the future. Or maybe I'm just weird and should not be bothered by this situation.
    Thank you.     A: Have you taken leave of your senses? Sounds to me like it's time to find a new girlfriend. It's not a man thing, it's a respect thing. Obviously she doesn't give a damn about your feelings and has absolutely no desire to take your thoughts into consideration. Dump her ass pronto. Wish them well and tell her to hit the bricks. Keep an eye out for our new book titled "How To Make Dating Fun" thank your lucky stars you didn't tie the knot and run like hell. Keep us posted.

    Julie

    I agree with Julie totally! How would she feel if you spent the night with your ex? what do you think her reaction would be? Julie is right about the respect thing also. A relationship deserves respect. If she is unwilling to give the relationship the respect it deserves then she needs to go. She will probably argue that you do not trust her, do not let her use the trust argument it is not about trust it is about respect!

    Besides you should also think about how you are going to feel when the fateful night comes and you are sitting at your house all alone missing her thinking about what she is doing with her ex. Almost sounds like a mid evil torture huh! People who love each other do not do things like this to each other! Go find someone who does love you!
  • Q: My divorce was contrived in Manhattan by my ex a Central Park West psychiatrist and her lawyer a board member of the NYC Women's Bar Association, and our judge, a past board member and active member of the Association.
    There is NOTHING fun about the gender bias and destruction of fatherhood and logic achieved through the feminized courts in Manhattan's Supreme Court. That court's gender neutrality is overseen by, you guessed it, an Administrative Judge who is also a board member of the Women's Bar Association.
    As someone who battled this feminist Mafia for 8 years, it is abjectly clear that FUN is not an option.
    BUt I'm open to you suggesting a litigation strategy that would be FUN.
    RICO would be FUN. Putting together a class action to review the gender bias of court-sealed judicial decisions that favor members of the Women's Bar Association and their clients and supplicants (CPAs, forensic evaluators, etc.) - that would be fun...! Looking at how many downward modification motions have been granted in line with the current Great Depression of 2007 onwards, that would be FUN. Having a new outlet in NYC take a legitimate interest in closely examining the gender-defined justice of the Manhattan Supreme Court's proceedings would be FUN.
    FUN would be having the Brendan Center or a similar public interest law clinic take on this wave destroying fathers, fatherhood and children's lives in the arcane belief that mothers can never be sociopaths, nor use a willing court system sociopathically.     A: RIGHT ON!! What were you thinking? Marrying a head shrinker is a crazy thing to do. We're sorry you had a lapse in judgement, however, we would love to plot her demise with you. Rather than filing a whole bunch of motions (people of her stature get off on that) we need to figure out the best way to make her crazy. You just need to turn the tables on her and screw with her head the way she's screwed with yours.
  • Q: Divorce . . . fun?

    Hmmm - OK, let's have a closer look at this shall we?

    In order to make divorce "fun", we might need to make an adjustment or two.

    Eliminate all alimony payments, completely, no exceptions.

    Eliminate all child support payments, completely, no exceptions

    Eliminate all mutually shared property, bank accounts, and other fiduciary instruments, no exceptions

    Isn't this fun . . . no?

    Gee, I wonder why that might be . . .

    I won't even touch upon the emotional damage, or trauma brought to a family, because, after all, that's way too serious of a reality to consider.


    I know, reality, and truth (inconvenient as such might be) can be so annoying.


    And that would spoil your fun . . . right? Hmmm???

    Golly gee, we can't have any of that sort of thing going on around here, now can we?



    The one serious question I would ask is, who would actually read this, and why?



    There have been many studies and articles written on the precarious aspects of marriage in the 21st century, with the divorce rate already way past the 50% threshold, and many folks opting out of marriage altogether.

    So, considering that divorce has now been reduced to a "fun" enterprise, from a male perspective, why would I want this, any of it?


    From your perspective, you see marriage as what . . . a sort of long term live-in version of prostitution, to be opted out of as soon as the business aspects of the marriage in question does not comply with the self absorbed spreadsheet summation of its value?



    yeah, right . . .

    well, good luck with all that


    Charles

    SF bay area

    California
     A: Charles,

    We appreciate your position. We agree with you whole heartedly. We wrote this because we have suffered through this and are fed up with the screwed up laws and injustices that society supports. For instance, why are there no penalties for cheaters? Why do mothers automatically get custody? Why are the children forced to suffer? We would be thrilled to send you a copy so you can see for yourself what we're all about. We absolutely do not support or encourage divorce. This is just a coping handbook for people that are beyond the point of no return. People are reading it all over the place and we have had nothing but rave reviews. Please look at it before you judge.

    Take care,
    Julie

    Charles,

    You are way to serious about this. open your eyes and look around what people are doing to each other. We are not promoting divorce. We are making fun of it. We do have a strategy for how to come out of a divorce in the best possible position and hopefully a laugh for someone who is hurting. Can you think of anything kinder to give?

    You open your letter by saying lets take a closer look at this, but you would have not have ever written this letter if you would have oh I don't know actually have read the book and thought about things. If you did read the book you would realize that we are saying the exact same things. The only difference is we chose to have a sence of humor about it.

    We would love to hear back from you, but we do ask that you read the book 1st! If you do not do that, then you are kind of showing up unarmed and talking out of your hat. Not worth our time.

    Trey
  • Q: Hello Julie and Trey,

    Fuck you! And the horse(s) you rode in on!!

    Sincerely,

    A child of divorce     A: Dear Child Of Divorce,

    We recommend that you strive to improve your vocabulary. Obviously you should be angry with your parents, not with us. They have woefully shorted you on education. If you had actually read the book you would understand that we are all about children. I myself am a product of a divorce and have chosen to dedicate myself to bettering the world and those who suffer through these things, I suggest you see a shrink and get over it or you are in for a long lonely life.

    Julie

    Divorce is hardiest on children. I remember my step son crying himself to sleep for 6 month as he tried to figure out why his mom left him behind with his step father.

    I am sorry that your parents chose to destroy their family and harm you like they did. I would suggest that you re read the book and then talk to them about it.

    Trey
    P.S. "STAY AWAY FROM MY HORSE!", you sicko! Yes, that goes for Julie's horse too!
  • Q: What should I do with my rings? A: Good question! You could always go to the pawn shop, or send them off to Cash4Gold. Both horrible options. You could save them for your children. If you choose to do that, you must store the offensive piece out of you sight, house and mind. You might also try an ad in your local paper and try to get rid of them that way.

    My favorite suggestion is that you go to your local jeweler and have something fabulous created for yourself. Melt that sucker down into something good like a hangman's noose. Hand cuffs, fur traps, or a ball and chain are also nice suggestions. The possibilities are endless. Whatever you come up with make sure that it reminds you what a mess you're currently in and not to ever ever do this again. Good Luck!

    Julie
  • Q: Hi Julie,

    I no longer speak with my ex but he is continually asking my friends about my dating life. How should I go about putting an end to this as it's none of his business?     A: Jordan,

    This is Trey. The fact that your ex is interested in your love life suggests that he is not over you yet. This is good news as it gives you all the power, and means that he is setting himself up for you to pounce. I am assuming you drew the line of no communication. by going to your friends he is not only checking you out, but he is also knocking on the door by telling you he is still interested in you.

    We need to address the issue of your friends. In the book we talked about how to use his friends and your friends to your best advantage. If the people you call "friends" are leaking information about you to your ex then they are not your friends. They are his friends. I hope this does not hurt you too badly, but you need to hear it!

    Divorce is a fun game, but it can be exhausting, kind of like skiing it is fun, but you are tired at the end of they day. because of this you need to choose your battles. Is this really a battle you want to fight? I know it is annoying, but is it causing you any real harm? If the answer is no then I would let him slide and not let him know that you even care.

    If the answer is yes, you do want to fight this battle. Then here are some suggestions.

    For this situation I would use his friends to let him know exactly what I want him to know. Because your friends have shown they can not be trusted you are going to need a new circle of friends. So go out and make new friends that do not share a history with your ex. Then as the opportunity presents itself, talk about a different male person to each of his friends. They will happily tell your ex about each person you mention. Let him try to figure out which one you MIGHT/ OR MIGHT NOT be dating. This will also send him the message that you have become a social butterfly who is not only thriving in your new single environment, but that you are much happier without him in your life.

    If the ex goes so far as meeting your romantic interests. Find people he would be intimidated by. Let his friends know that you are hanging around with them, because ultimately you are trying to send the message of "GO AWAY"

    Oh sigh! That was not any fun. Lets turn things up a notch. LET'S GET NASTY and extend those claws a bit.

    By showing so much interest in your romantic life your ex has basically told you how best to hurt him.

    NOTHING is more painful then to see the girl you are still pinning for with your worst Enemy (or best friend). Been there done my ex has the child to prove it! Silly girl got her self knocked up by the worst enemy, who promptly abandoned her! Hurt like hell in the beginning, but in the end I laughed for.... Well, I am still laughing!!

    If your ex has made a few enemies in life Seek out his worst one, set up a few dates with them somewhere you will be seen.

    Let the enemy know who you are. There is a good chance he will jump at the opportunity to get a dig in. Being with your worst enemy's ex or current girl is one HELL of a way to get even! If you are not seen set up more dates, tell your ex’s friends what a great time you had when he took you to the movie. Or to dinner or wherever, Who knows the enemy may be HOT as HELL. If he is you might as well sleep with him, because after your ex sees or hears about the dates he is going to assume you are anyway! Be sure to take the proper precautions! Don't make the same mistake that my ex did! (GIGGLE)

    Wouldn't it be great if the worst enemy turned out to be MR. Wonderful?

    There are several added bonuses to befriending or dating the worst enemy. One is that the worst enemy may have some dirt on your ex that may come in handy in the future. The second benefit is that your friendship with a person he HATES will CHAP HIS ASS! The last benefit is that you and the worst enemy already have something in common. You are both dealing with your ex.
    (The enemy of my enemy is my friend – Sun Tzu)

    If you really want to become a threat to your ex. See if you can go on a few dates with his boss or possibly his bosses wife. Wouldn't it suck to find out your ex has started dating the man who is responsible for your paycheck? Now, you are threatening him where he eats! If your ex is wise he will never confront his boss about you! Even if you are just friends. Not only that, but just by you being there it will cause strife in the work place. The boss is not as likely to give up his girlfriend or friend as he is to replace a employee that has become awkward, especially in this job market. Employees are easily replaced. With just a little bit of luck you can drive the ex to accuse the boss of being with you. Who knows maybe there will be a fight and you ex may suddenly become unemployed and in jail!

    I hope that this helped and sparked your imagination. You know your situation best, so be creative and make him QUA!

    Be sure to come back and let us know how everything worked out for you! We love collecting inspirational stories that we can share.

    Julie answers questions in the morning. I am sure she will have some fun ideas of her own.
  • Q: How can you get your ex to stop saying negative things about you to your children? A: Bad mouthing your ex to your children is an ego boost for you, at your child's expense . Try explaining this to your ex. It won't work but at least you can say you tried.

    The sad answer to this is you can't, but you can use this opportunity to build a relationship with your child. Let your child know they can ask you anything they want. That you will only give them honest answers, but that you reserve the right to not answer a question. This escape clause is important, because you never want to bad mouth the ex. Some of the questions your children may ask may not give you another option.

    Julie says, that children are no to be used as a tool, however, "Out of the mouths of babes" is great ammunition. Once upon a time a new step monster informed two very small children that they would not be permitted to see their father again unless they called her "Mommy" When the real mom found out about this instead of doing the "right thing" which would be to call her spineless ex and ream him, she simply informed the children that she would always be their only "MOMMY" but if it would make them feel better they could call their new stepmonster "Mommy Dearest" this solved the problem. As far as your ex bad mouthing you, when it comes home as it always does, laugh your ass off right in front of your kids and ask them if they knew they their daddy wet the bed until he was 23? This too will pass, try not to sweat the small stuff and just remember, live well and laugh often. Good luck.

    Trey says, my step son once asked me why people get divorced. I told him that I believe there are only three reasons for divorce. Abuse, Addiction and Adultery. He promptly asked me which reason cause my and his mom's divorce. I simply told him I could not answer that. I was not about to tell him the reason we were divorced was because his little brother was not my son. My step son just accepted that I was not willing to share that information with him, but he also knows that I did not lie to him.

    Another time I took my step son on vacation with me to Disney land. While we were there my step son informed me that he and his mom would be okay if I did my part. I did not bad mouth his mom, but I did explain to him that his mom owed me quite a bit of money already, because I go well beyond doing my part. I let him know that if his mom pays me back great, but if she never does I will never ask for the money, because it is worth it to me to give them the money so that I know that they really are okay. I also reminded him of the time when his mom became ill and they stayed with me while she got better. I promised him that I will always do my part, but I can not live his mothers life for her. She had to make her own mistakes.

    He may not have understood, the answer completely, but he also did not feel bad for loving his mom. That was the goal to help him put his world in order without making him choose sides.

    Your children will appreciate not having to choose sides when they talk to you as a result you will become the safe parent in your child's eyes. Isn't that what you are really afraid of? That your children will love you less if they hear your ex talk bad about you. If you stand tall and act appropriately your ex will alienate the children. Have faith
  • Q: Julie,

    The soon to be ex moved out over a month ago. She left all of her stuff at the house. What should I do? I have tried to get her to take her stuff, but she will not. Why does she refuse to get her belongings I know she needs them. I just do not understand what she is doing.     A: This is easy. Take everything and pack it carefully. Keep a very detailed inventory of everything. Have it witnessed and signed by a neutral third party (neighbor, police officer, etc.) DO NOT break or burn anything. I know it's tempting, however when you're in front of a judge it's amazing how much things can become worth, that coffee maker just cost you $500.00. When you have everything inventoried and stored carefully take it down to your local storage facility and rent a locker for one month. Put your ex's name on it. Take the key and mail it to her in the certified mail. That way you have a record that she got the key along with a letter from you stating where her belongings are, with a copy of the inventory list that you had witnessed. If she fails to retrieve it from the storage company, it then becomes their responsibility to dispose of her belongings. Handling it this way will prevent fights over lots of stuff and if there is something that she wants that you failed to store for her, TOUGH. This way you don't have to open your residence for her to be able to pick and chose what she wants and you will be able to keep your stuff safe. Good Luck, and live well!-

    Trey's tidbit
    One of the reasons that a person may refuse to take their belongings is because it gives them a link to you. As long as you have the stuff. There is a reason for them to contact you.
  • Q: Loved the book. Hysterical!
    I live in New York and recently saw my ex on the subway carrying on with another man. Should I have told her she's making a fool of herself?     A:
    Anytime you initiate contact with your ex you are inviting them into your life, before you do this, decide if you are done playing with them. If you are then leave them alone, but if you want to play then let her know she is a fool. Try catching her eye and making faces at her while she trying to be all seductive. Don't let her friend see you do this. He will wonder why she seems distracted!

    There is a pretty good chance she is "carrying on" like she is to see if she can get a rise out of you. Don't give it to her!

    Maybe you can call out advice to her companion like "Hey, buddy pull her hair she likes that!" or maybe "What are you doing seeing if she has strep. It is a french kiss not a throat swab!"

    Who know maybe the guy will appreciate your friendly advice!

    Julie says that you should tap her on the shoulder and congratulate her! Tell her the surgeon did a great job, no one would ever know that she was a man just a few short months ago. HaHa Good Luck and Live well!
  • Q: My ex has suggested that I go to therapy. Should I go? A: I suppose it wouldn't hurt. I think therapy is a very good place for anyone who is taking advice from their ex. I mean, why would you even listen to your ex?

    If I were you. I think I would TELL my ex I went to therapy and that it was such a great experience, because the therapist is teaching you how to best deal with an ex, who would suggest such a thing. Then you can just start dropping little suggestions to her or him from time to time about anger management classes and how your therapist think they can really benefit from it. Or parenting classes. or what ever you can think of. Pick a mental illness and start sending them to classes! maybe they will learn something.